Eating the cake - what is the big deal?


Speaking from personal experience, in my teenage years oral sex was never a thing I would brag about giving. Receiving? I could not even imagine a man wanting to venture down there with his mouth. But as I matured, so did my sexual requirements and now, I couldn’t imagine my life without some good old cunnilingus and before you question, of course I believe in reciprocity and my other half will vouch for the fact that I have a habit of blowing his…mind.

With salacious music, even sexier video’s and social networking having us want to out sex each other, you’ll be forgiven for thinking that ‘Eating the Cake’ was something that just happened. A bit like bread at any reputable restaurant, you need not make any special requests, that starter came with the meal, free of charge. But some people are still wheat intolerant.

There are still some men out there, roaming the streets in 2013, who when it comes to pleasuring their woman using their tongues, are not about that life.

Having spoken to more men than I can remember, I am still shocked when one of them is proud to let me know that they do not ‘bow down, eat out, or n’yam pu**y’ they each have various reasons, although they are quite clear that if a woman does not entertain Oral sex, they will not entertain her.

After some diligent investigation, it became quite clear what the problem is. These men still believe that performing such a sex act on a woman, deducts from there overflowing masculinity account. Just the idea of having to be in a physical position, where it looks as if they are bowing to a woman, leaves them uncomfortable. With society now finally getting behind women’s rights and at least trying to project the idea of equality, these men feel that this is the only thing they can hold onto, to feel like a man.

I get it. As a teen, I couldn’t fathom putting my mouth there. Beyond that I couldn’t imagine getting any pleasure from that. And of course back then, the idea of sex was a bout pleasuring ones self.

As we develop and create sexual experiences that last a lifetime, most of us begin to understand that sometimes, the sexiest thing is in the giving. As a woman I can say without doubt that nothing satisfies me as much as satisfying my other half. And I know, that this comes from truly understanding and wanting to express ‘Love’ which brings me to the other notable difference; between the men that eat the cake and those that don’t; the ones that do understand the difference between sex and Love. They understand that Love is about compromise and about giving. Through that, they have learned to endure and then enjoy performing Oral sex on their woman because they want to show that they are capable of forgetting about themselves and giving their lady what they want, or in most cases, inclusive of my own- need.

So for those men reading this, who are still selfish enough to suggest that woman give that side of herself to you, without expecting anything in return, I salute your boldness and then I mock your stupidity.

And for the ladies reading this, who are in a sexual relationship that they don’t deem entirely satisfying, may I remind you that it’s okay to leave. Take a leap of faith and go and find you a man who won’t only bake the cake but eat it too.