Sexy, Single And Searching!


I thoroughly enjoy talking about love and in my ever-growing bank of experience; I have come across many other females with varying views on relationships. It seems there is an emerging breed of woman that is taking the world by storm, yet in this movement of achieving gender equality, I find that a number of us are dissatisfied with our counterparts.

There is a tendency to feel the need to be with someone; I like to refer to it as ‘The curse of Eve’. As we grow up, we are groomed to believing that most of the skills we learn as young people are to help us become a good wife. As such, we are taught or rather coerced into becoming a great cook, a skilled cleaner and most of all, a homemaker. Please do forgive my need to generalise.

My question is, do these mentalities manipulate us into thinking our sole aim is to one day be adorned with a ring of promise? Let us take some time to analyse if getting married is what you actually want at the moment.

Are you a girlfriend or a wife?

What on earth are you talking about Vanessa? Of course I am not a wife, if I was, I would not be "searching" as you have so eloquently put it. I understand your confusion; so let me break it down for you. A girlfriend is beautiful, as all women are in their own way, and she possesses the qualities of a good partner. However, the prospect of having to balance a career with coming home to a child who regurgitates their dinner every so often does not seem quite so appealing. On the other hand, a wife is aware that her life will change when she is bound to her man by vows, irrespective of this; she is ready for what this transformation in status will bring. She is a wife before she gets married because in her mind, she has already developed the conviction that relationships are meant to last forever.

Do you really want to be in a relationship?

Often times, I find that some women loathe the idea of being alone, but why is this? Being in a relationship is fun; you have someone who cares about you, a person you can share intimate moments with and one who you can pour your love on. On the other hand, it puts you in a position where you are forced to compromise and frequently place the needs of your partner above your own.

Consider the qualities in a man that your future self will thank you for 

Being single allows you to enjoy your own company and live your life exactly how you want to. You can engage in platonic associations with the opposite sex, without constantly questioning whether your conversations could be interpreted wrongly if read or overheard by your spouse. Your body is your own and does not have to bow down to the desires of another. However, with all this independence and liberty to make yourself number one, are you going to lose out on companionship?

Are your expectations realistic?

I am of the opinion that a blessing can be right in front of you, yet you shun it away because it has not been presented in the expected format. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on which way you view it, not every man has a smile like Tyrese or have the charisma of Channing Tatum. These men are a dime in a dozen, so I do not think it is wise to determine that anyone falling below the bar suddenly does not qualify to be your partner. I am not saying that you should lower your standards but I do always encourage people to be realistic.

Take a bit of time and consider the qualities in a man your future self will thank you for. He might have your girlfriends drooling over him on Instagram now, yet will his need to always look good affect your finances when say you want to purchase a home together. He is daring and loves to have a good time, but contemplate the possibility that these tendencies could never change about him. Will he be more interested in going out with his friends when in fact you need him to be by your side?

Hopefully you should have a better idea if you are sexy, single and searching, or unexpectedly you are quite content enjoying your own company. Are relationships the be all and end all? I would strongly disagree with anyone that said they are. Nevertheless, if you are not in one and seeking to be, use this phase to learn a bit more about yourself. Ask the honest questions I have posed to you and you might just be surprised with the answers.